I Am Officially Calling for a Reformation of the Big 8 Conference

File this under “ah shit, here we go again”

Texas, you ignorant selfish whore. I could smell ya gettin’ off the elevator. Color me completely shocked that the Longhorns want to ruin the Big 12 yet again and bring their dirty unwashed ass to the SEC.

You don’t get to cause the national strife you caused back in the early 2010s and then do it again because you’re jelly that Mississippi State gets a massive check every year from the SEC while you can barely find programming and keep the lights on at the Longhorn Network.

Now, they want to bring OU into the mess they’ve created and have pathetically approached the SEC with hat in hand, looking for dollars from daddy.

I have a proposal for Texas. Instead of leeching off yet another conference, why don’t you go over there and play with yourself. I want you to take that amazingly bloated sense of entitlement, shine it up real nice, turn it sideways and shove it up Bevo’s keister.

OU, you’re cool. Come on down. You know what? I say we just bring back the Big 8 entirely. Reform that bad boy. Media days at the Golden Ox and crisp March afternoons at Kemper Arena. Championship Saturday at Arrowhead. A reanimated corpse of Eddie Sutton storming up and down the sideline at Gallagher-Iba. Sign me up.

In reality, the SEC is probably gonna scoop Texas and Oklahoma up real quick and make the conference even more of a juggernaut. The total of football blue bloods in the conference would increase by one, depending on how you view the two schools recently. The rich would simply get richer and any football and basketball success Mizzou achieves in the future would only get sweeter.

The best part about all of this is that it leaves kansas twisting in the wind looking for a conference that will take them, if their entire athletic department has not been dissolved due to the death penalty in both basketball and football, which in turn may completely bankrupt the state which will then allow me to pursue my personal goal of turning that entire state into America’s largest recreational lake.