I’m Trying To Polish Off My Second Sleeve Of Girl Scout Cookies And Jordan Davis Is Making Me Feel Like A Piece Of Shit

Honestly, how dare this guy.

I was just trying to enjoy a quiet night as a 3-0 8u softball coach, looking to not be reminded of my life spent as an incredible underachiever, and on my TV pops Jordan Davis, the 6’6”, 341 pound Tartarian Giant from the University of Georgia.

This big bastard is moving down the 40-yard runway quicker than I’m moving through these Do-si-dos® . Who does this guy think he is putting this much shame and disappointment into my existence right now, my dad?

What an incredible workout. Davis came into this combine in most mock drafts as a mid-first rounder and performed what may be the single greatest athletic achievement in combine history – especially given his size.

Just look at those numbers:

Officially a 4.78 40. WTF.

A 1.68 10-yard split.

A 10 foot, 3 inch broad jump.


This may be the most impressive testing I’ve ever seen and that’s including the DK Metcalf and Montez Sweat combines. Just unreal.

I know there are arguments against taking interior defensive line players of this size because of their inability to get up the field, but Davis just tested athletically better than much smaller EDGE players in the same class. And that’s without grading on a curve due to his size.

What a performance. Incredible. And what an incredible jerk this guy is for making me put down this sleeve of Thin Mints.